How to Survive Infidelity and Repair Your Marriage

What is marriage? It is a contract (with or without the court paper that says you are married) that has the commitment of two adults to live together and cherish each other for life. The only connection or relationship that a marriage established between a man and a woman is fidelity. 

What is fidelity? There are many words that combine to form the essence of fidelity – trustworthiness, faithfulness, loyalty, reliability, dependability are a few that capture that essence. Fidelity is not only at sexual level, but also at emotional and mental level. How? Let me explain:

1. Sexual fidelity – this is simple and very plain. Marriage demands that the couple stays sexually involved exclusively with one another. Though there are liberties that couples may take with mutual consent, normally sexually fidelity means strictly monogamous.

2. Emotional fidelity – what would you say if your spouse’s heart bleeds every time a particular person (opposite sex) has some trouble? What would you say that your spouse is suddenly more aware of the feelings of this person rather than yours? What would you say when your husband’s / wife’s heart starts beating for someone else – though you are 100% sure that there is no physical relationship between them?

3. Mental fidelity – a good marriage would have each spouse’s 100% attention and commitment to each other and the family as a whole. When the attention of either spouse is diverted in any way into thinking about another person (opposite sex) in a way that supersedes your marriage you have a mental fidelity breach.

On whichever level you would find the infidelity – this is painful. It is cripplingly painful and horrible to live through. However, it is possible that this could be treated as a wake-up call which would instigate you to take a long look at your marriage. Is it worth saving after you find out that your spouse was not true to you? Look behind you and forget for a moment the pain that your spouse’s infidelity caused you. Look for the things you have appreciated in your spouse. Look for the special bond that made you tie the knot with your spouse. Is that special enough to renew? If your answer is yes, then you would be happy to learn that you could survive infidelity and repair your marriage.

Treat Infidelity as a Costly Mistake

Here the cost is emotional and the price would need to be paid b the erring spouse. Once the trust is broken, it is extremely difficult to re-establish it. However, if you say that you have forgiven (and you need not forget) you need to start with a clean slate – he/she would be treated henceforward as innocent until proved guilty – and not the other way around. This is the first and the most important aspect of surviving infidelity – re-establishing mutual trust. It is extremely difficult – however, it is possible and it is the only way out.

Give yourself time internally – though externally you should not show it – to be able to trust implicitly what your spouse is doing. Resist the temptation to check out if what they said was true or not. Resist the temptation of throwing the topic up at every argument. Let it move behind you and with time it would fade away into oblivion.

You would more often than not find that the second lease of your marriage thus saved is sweeter – because your spouse would indeed respect and love you all the more for the effort you have put in for the repair of the marriage as well as the trust you have bestowed upon him/her despite the past.

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